I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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