Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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