So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
