i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
