Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I think your dad took our porno
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
