i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
