hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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