the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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