hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
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