I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
