Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
