We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
