Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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