Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
