you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize