Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Pooping to opera.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
