That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
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