Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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