So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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