I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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