guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
