i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
All I want is dick and wine.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
