How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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