Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
