My friends, they love my intelligence
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I am one with the molecules
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
