the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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