There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
