you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
