uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
You ruined the universe
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
