My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
