How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
