oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
