guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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