We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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