Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
