I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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