Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Randomize
