champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
