I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize