i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
