I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
She announced her abortion via fbk
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize