I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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