i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
