I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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