Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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