i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Randomize
