Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
