He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
