in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I cut my penus on the lid.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
