shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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