Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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