i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
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