My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Randomize
