May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
