glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
