Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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