high people should be assigned attendants
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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