i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
