i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
