please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
