Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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