And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Randomize
