all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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