nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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