this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
