he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
