brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
