Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I need to calm my uterus...
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
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