Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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