But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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