I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
