She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
