I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
