hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
The cops high fived after they tackled you
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize