drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
