I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
