I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
