On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
