Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
