I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
