I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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