You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
