so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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