I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
