Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
