I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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