i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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