Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
