My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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