You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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