I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
