You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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