so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Randomize
