i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
