WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
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