He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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