someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
