Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
