can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
