i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
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