He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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