My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
