i just made my gag reflex go away.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
