ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
This baby is an asshole
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
