so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
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